Ah July! It’ll soon be Christmas so get ready to wrap up warm and tuck into that turkey once again.
I have no idea what I’m so cheerful about. On Saturday I was due to pick up a new car: A Skoda (yes, I’ve heard all the old jokes) Octavia Estate. Having waited 10 weeks for it to be hand built by near-slave labour in the former eastern bloc, my shiny new wagon finally arrived at the dealers for collection. Despite the horizontal rain it looked good from the outside. But things went really wrong when I looked inside. Instead of the ‘Onyx Black Leather’ upholstery I had ordered, I was greeted by a grey leather so light it could almost be described as vivid. In fact, if migraines had a colour, this is exactly what they would look like. Of course, in a situation like this I did what any intelligent adult would do. I put my head in my hands and prepared to cry. Thankfully, before my tear ducts had kicked into action, the dealer changed my mood by attempting to place the blame on me. Instead of crying I now felt like ripping his head off. This, thankfully, made me feel much more normal. Apparently, the fact that the salesman had written ‘Onyx (i.e. black) Full Leather’ on the order form actually meant ‘Light Grey Full Leather’ and the car was, despite appearances, exactly what I wanted. What’s more, the dealer kindly went on to explain that "everyone" who orders leather wants the light grey leather, intimating that I should be pleased the interior of my new car was the same colour as a boil washed bra.
Exhibit A: "WHAT I GOT vs WHAT I ORDERED":
Needless to say, I didn’t accept the car. It’s still at the dealers while I await an intelligent and acceptable resolution to this predicament. Hopefully common sense and honesty will prevail and Skoda may utter an apology for their buffoonery. Until then I’m left with an empty feeling where my shiny new car should be. Still, at least it will soon be Christmas…